Taking the Long View

Full speed ahead can be the focus of a couple planning for their wedding event. All the questions of living permanently together linger in the back of a couple’s mind, but neither party may know how to address it in the midst of the “wedding planning.”

Some of the angst and worry prior to the wedding are relieved when a couple begins to talk about the realities of “married life .”  With a seasoned coach they can safely deal with some of their fears.  Using intentional communication tools, they can discuss how to cope with conflict, debt, finances, family, and sex.  

With a soft manner and a whole lot of compassion I guide a couple  in discussing “how would they might deal with a teenager who is in trouble with the law; how would they cope with a special needs child; or, how would they  face “ infidelity”.   Direct difficult questions prepare a couple for the many challenges that can arise during married life.  The New York Times (March 29, 2015) reported that the research by the National Marriage Project found that a couple who participated in premarital counseling fared better in their marriage than couples who weren’t prepared. 

Recently, a couple whom I helped with premarital counseling several years previous reported that their “creation of a Relationship Vision” establish a tradition of coming together each morning prior to the workday.  This forethought gave a“conscious” element to the relationship.  They knew where their points of joining and separation were in their daily life. They gave voice to their mutual boundaries. This “intentional” relationship gave clarity to their shared life and confidence in a solid joyful relationship. 

As they sat in my office discussing  “the realities of having a child after raising a rambunctious puppy,” I noticed their mutual infectious excitement tempered with a practical realization of the challenges that lie ahead of them. Their premarital coaching seemed to have initiated a quiet, confident steadiness with each other.